Smallville: ESCAPE from the Planet of the Blondes (we wish)

Wallpaper by Erika – Click on thumb to access

Season 9 Episode 16

Review and Recap by Holli

HD Screencaps for the episode can be found HERE.

Written by Genevieve Sparling, otherwise known as the ‘weakest link,’ and directed by Kevin Fair.  These two gave us the lamest episode of the season, ROULETTE.  This chapter of Clark’s story was saved by the great Clark, Lois, and Clark & Lois scenes portrayed by our stellar actors, Tom Welling and Erica Durance.

Oh yea, Silver Banshee was in this episode, but don’t expect her to be of any significance.  Shame.  She is a DC character after all.  Not the same as the comics one, but this is Smallveel.  We have people possessed (THAT tired old maneuver) for hi-jinks and death, but other than that . . . meh.  Lots of exposition around her ‘story’ – so lots of telling and not much showing.  Confusion regarding her body snatching ensued.

I’m not even going to do an act-by-act recap.  So not worth it.  Let’s talk the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The Ugly – the tales of Ball-less and Bossie, mostly Bossie

“Two blondes don’t make a right!” – Erika and Kate, admins of MULTIPLEVERSES, SUPERVERSES, OSCK, etc, etc, etc.  They’re moguls. 😉

Blondie has her laptop open and is bossing around Clark, as the Blur, via headset.  He doesn’t need her help.  He’s doing fine on his own.  We never see who’s driving the vehicle she’s in.  Like we don’t know already?  There was no shock factor here, so any attempt at dramatic tension was completely wasted.  Apparently blondie thinks that Lois handed Ollie over to her for some fun and games.  She’s not bothered by taking her cousin’s sloppy seconds.  And blondie is in complete control of this ‘relationship.’  It’s barely that, in fact, Ollie is pretty much her sex toy.  Yea, it’s a real ‘adult’ relationship.   Ball-less is not seen until they get to the B&B desk and then he’s not heard.  Bossie is in control of even the room key and the registering as Mr. and Mrs. Green.  Bossie is not with Green Queen for the brain in his skull.

Later we learn that Bossie doesn’t want gifts or any signs of affection from Ball-less – it’s strictly the sex and nothing but the sex.  After Clark reminds B-less that he’s a better man than that, the billionaire buys Bossie a spoon.  He did consider getting her the decorative soaps.  We have to give him credit for that.  **snort**

Poor Ollie got blahna-itis and she’s not even on the show anymore.  I guess the jar is in the Watchtower.

The Bad – Zod or Zodess

Zod and Tess.  These two more or less carried on the storyline for future episodes; what there was of it.  Zod is flying around Metropolis in leather trench and gloves, lands on the DP ledge (really?), and is listening to people praise the Blur and all he’s done for the city.  One touching convo between a father and son about a Blur bedtime story seems to move His Darkness.  Ahhh, does Zoddie want to be loved?  Does he miss being a hero?  He looks irritated by the text message from Crazypants to meet up.

Sidenote: Zoddie has Bizarro’s ‘Surrender Dorothy’ black trail during flight.  Rokk had a blue trail even though he wore black.  So is Clark going to be wearing ‘the colors’ when we get to see his flying tail?  (and no, that was not a typo)

Our villains meet in the Kent loft. WHAT?  This is where it gets creepy.  Tess appears to be wearing the pants in this relationship.  Is she supposed to be Clark or Lex?  Is Zod, blahna or a wimp ass Clark?  This is so reminiscent of all Lexana discussions:  Clark, the obsession.  “And since we have no common ground, I thought it fitting to meet in the home of the one person that unites us.”  Uhhh, yea.  Like they haven’t been living together under the mansion roof most of the time?  Clark unites them?  Really?

Ecoterrorist tells why she’s in the game.  “A better world.”  Does she honestly believe that Zod wants that, too?  For humans?  Zod opens up a cigar box with a picture of Jonathan, Clark’s other father, in it.  “You crave a man who is your equal, but everyone you’ve let in has betrayed you.  No one ever trusts you.”  So we’re discussing trust issues with the power broker couple.  Negotiating for the better position.  Sex is power.  Kind of like with what Bossie has going on, but with this couple, both of them have power(s).  Zod invites Tess to go to Cypress.  Somewhat endearing, but a bad move apparently.  If Tess had accepted, would the world be better off?  If she showed Zod some sign of humanity would he think twice about destroying the Earth and its people?

[image] Crazypants does have a few tricks up Zod’s shirt though.  She feels him up.  “But do you still have secrets?”  He says, “Not from you.”  She walks away from him, pulls a gun and shoots him.   He catches it in his gloved hand.  Tess seems titillated that he has his powers.  She checked his chest for his gunshot wound (CONSPIRACY) and his stating he wanted to go away with her pretty much said he didn’t have any more battles to fight.  Evil foreplay begins with Zod doing the back of the head strangle.  “You know my secret.  I can’t afford for you to share it.  What would you do if our positions were reversed?”  Crazypants trumps by releasing some no longer lead enclosed kryptonite.  They drop to the floor.  Tess rises above.  “In every relationship, one person stands while the other one kneels.”  She grabs him by his lapels.  “I will not be forced down again.”  He chokes out, “I wouldn’t want you to be.”  This seems to unbalance her attitude a bit.  She kisses him as he struggles for life and then closes the lid on the k-rock.  He grabs the back of her head – and it’s evil kissing . . . in the Kent loft.  Ewwww.

[image] At the mansion between the red satin sheets.  Apparently hay bales aren’t quite these two’s cup of tea.  Zod is schmoozing Tess in true Lex style.  “Almost Kryptonian.  How did you weaken me in the barn?”  Well, he kind of showed his hand again with that one.  “You have your secrets and I have mine.  Now, we’re even,” she smiles.  Zod has waited for his powers and he will not give them up.  Tess does some schmoozing of her own.  “No one could stop you.”  The bartering starts.  Zod tells her the info she has is valuable and that they are partners.  Apparently Kryptonian powered guys know a few tricks.  Tess seemed pleased.  They speak of Clark being his competition.  Zod regards Clark as a competitor and Tess confesses that Clark is not his competition.  She thinks Clark stands with the Kandorians, but Zod reminds her that Clark stands apart.  “Read your own newspaper, Tess.  With the help of a certain lovely reporter, the Blur has become humanity’s new messiah.  Now I may be able to fly, but the world would willingly follow him on foot.”  Tess thinks he’s jealous.  “I want to know what gives him that power.  And I want to know what will take it away.  But you’ll never tell me.”  She kisses him and gives him a little nose rub.  Not affection.  A power move – rubbing his nose in it.  He sighs in frustration as he watches her put on her robe.  “Information is also power, but you understand that better than anyone.”  And with that she leaves him to calculate on his own.

Zod stared at two pictures of Jonathan Kent in this episode.  Why is he so interested in Clark’s human father?  Is he starting to figure out that it is Clark’s ‘humanity’ that makes him a beloved hero?  It is not his powers as Zod is finding out.  Perhaps Zod will not give the other Kandorians their powers.  It would be competition of the worst kind for him.  And yet, he seems to be looking for some kind of devotion in this new world he is in.   Clark has it, but Zod will never obtain it.  He’s too worried about being top dog – and no amount of haunting the Blur’s and Clark’s familiar places is ever going to change that.  What it will accomplish is–besmirching the Blur and forcing Clark to seek another identity.  One that people will see in the light of day.  YEA!!!

The Good – You’re Perfect

“Lois and Clark.  Clark and Lois.  As a couple” — Clark Kent, PANDORA

We start with Clark (unseen) taking care of all the crime in Metropolis at breakneck speed.  He’s going away for the weekend with Lois.  J’onn J’onz will be watching out for the city while he’s gone.  Clark is so happy, he wants every one else to be happy, too.  He tells blondie that Bart is in town and that they should hang out.  (Apparently all the JLA’s crimes against Ollie in ROULETTE are forgiven – or forgotten.  This does not bode well for continuity or blondie’s comeuppance.)  blondie smugly tells her supposed BFF to back off.

At the Daily Planet, Clark arrives to pick up his girl, Lois Lane, busy reporter.  She’s all smiles and compliments him on his timing.  “I am ready for our magical mystery weekend.”  He wants to get out of there before she gets an assignment.  Since he’s being mysterious, resourceful Lois has packed several bags for any occasion.  “How about countryside bed and breakfast?”  Yea, she’s got a bag for that.  Lois even has her passport in case he meant the French countryside.  Clark takes her bag as Lois takes his arm.  “Noooo.  It’s kind of Scottish.  Some place called the McDougal Inn.”

It’s raining with thunder rumbling in the background.  Scarey stories boys and girls!  Lois enters talking a mile a minute.  She might be a little nervous.  He seems perfectly content setting down her bags.  Did he not pack?  Apparently they took an accidental side trip to the Largest Ball of Yarn.  “You’ll thank me later,” says a coy Lois to her boyfriend.  It’s dinner time and Lois is hungry (probably in more ways than one).  Lois lets Clark take care of business.  He rings the registry bell.  He’s tapping his fingers.  He might be a little anxious (in a good way), too.  They share a mutual grin.   He studies her as she looks around trying to stay calm.   It’s as if he saw it coming a mile away.  She can’t take it any longer and starts banging on the bell like her life depended on it.  I think she’s ready to get the party started.

Finally the desk clerk appears.  Lois gives her a big smile and a ‘Hey.’  Clark apologizes for the massive ringing.  The desk clerk apologizes because their room is not fit for occupancy.  It has sprung a leak because of the storm.  She informs them cell phone reception is horrible.  Lois is so excited to get started, she gives Clark a love tap.  She wants him to take care of things.   He is the man who made the arrangements.  “That’s fine. We’ll take anything you have available.”  When the clerk informs them there isn’t another room.  Clark’s face falls.  He can’t believe what she’s telling them.  He’s not going to be with Lois between the sheets.  Is all hope lost?  Lois steps in.  Quick thinking, assertive Lois eyes the registry and is about to tell Mr. and Mrs. Green not to unpack.   She takes one step for the stairs and Clark pulls her back.  He’s got a better idea.  He asks what room they would have been in.  He volunteers to fix the pipe.  Lois is all admiration and smiles.  Her guy is amazing.  The woman tells him where it’s located and he goes off.  Lois hugs herself and smiles giddily.  Love and fun with Clark is still on!

Clark enters the room.  It’s a shambles.  The bed has been taken part.  He spies the offensive pipe and heat visions it into repair.  He takes a frustrated breath as he sees the rest of the work he has cut out for him.  He just wants a weekend with his woman.

[image] Downstairs Lois gathers her bags and accidentally scratches a painting of the dreaded Uncle Bevan who took his sister’s Siobhan’s birthright and killed her.  Siobhan became Silver Banshee for revenge and legend has it she kills men because of the betrayal.   The clerk offers her tea while she waits, but the couple on the lobby couch are taking cuddling to a whole new level.  She declines and asks if she and Clark could have their room.  The clerk appears taken aback by her suggestion, and Lois finally lets her off the hook.  “Just kidding,” she laughs.  She picks up her bags to check on her boyfriend.

“Clark, I don’t care how bad it is, if I can survive a tent in Guadalajara, then I can handle a soggy room.”   Lois enters with bags.  While stunned by the beauty of the room, complete with flowers and a log burning in the fireplace, her boyfriend explains that the leak wasn’t so bad.  Clark repairs entire city infrastructures so a disheveled room is nothing.  He did it all for her . . . and for them.  With a huge smile, Lois says the words he loves to hear from her.  “Clark Kent, my hero.”

A venturesome Lois has apparently packed every outfit imaginable for the occasion.  We see them hanging neatly on a wall.  She stares at herself in a full length mirror and takes down her hair.  She wants to be exceptional for the man she loves.  Looking through a curtain, she sees her Prince Charming fiddling with the bed covers and the pillow that she will rest her head upon.  He’s a little nervous, too, trying to make everything perfect.  Lois grins.  She knows she is as important to him as he is to her.

Clark dims the lights and gazes at the sheer curtains that show Lois’ silhouette.  She walks out a woman, no other adjective is needed.  She is stunning in her blue nightgown.  “Too much?” she asks slightly concerned about the answer.  She clasps her hands.  Her best friend stares at her with love in his eyes.  “You’re perfect.”

[image] Lois grins.  She’s impressed him.  Courteous negotiations begin.  Both are trying to make the other comfortable.  “Is that the side of the bed you like sleeping on?” says Clark as he scratches the back of his hand.  She asks if that’s his side and makes a motion that she would switch if he wanted.  “No!  I just thought that you  . . . I just want you to be comfortable.”  She looks at him and with a slightly cocky attitude.  “Oh, I will be.”  Realizing she was starting to raise a wall, she changes her tone.  “I mean, I am.”  She gives him a little grin.  Clark grins back and looks down at the bed.  “Okay, bedtime,” says Lois as she goes for the covers.  Clark sees his Lois being Lois.  She charges through.  He grins and crawls into the sheets beside her, clearing his throat.  His left hand is holding his chest, as Lois turns towards him with her hand under her chin.  “Don’t let the bedbugs bite,” she says with smiling eyes.  “Sweet dreams,” he says as he faces her with a smile on his lips.  She nods and murmurs.  Things you say to people who are dear to you.  They’re still feeling each other out to see how to initiate what they both want.  They lean in to kiss . . . and there’s a banshee cry.  “What the hell was that?” says Lois as the lightning flashes.

Talk about interruptus!  These two are more than ready to show each other how they feel.  We’ve been waiting 6 years – and our couple is not the first to kiss in the episode.  Booooo  This is the only couple who truly love one another.  The comparisons to the no-emotions-please freaks and the power-mad-users is startling.  But the real love couple – get interrupted continually! Curses!

Clark and Lois go out on the porch and we see other couples standing around wondering what happened. The proprietress comes out with a lantern.  Clark asks what made the noise.  She tells him it may have been wolves.  He protectively puts his arm around Lois and guides her back to the porch door.  They enter the inn holding hands as the lights come on to reveal the blondes wearing matching robes.  Apparently they have been shopping at the inn’s souvenir counter.  Billionaire Ball-less strikes again.  The two couples stare at each other.  Lois is not at a loss for words.  “Twist.”  Ollie nods as he looks down to admire his token robe.  Maybe Justin was expressing how glad he was he wasn’t shirtless in this episode – he’s been the chest man in so many this season.

NOTE: If Clark and Lois sleep together, even without hanky panky.  We still want to see it!

The next day.  I kid you not.  Utter fail.  Lois bounding down the stairs with Clark close behind.  She’s touting the ponytail.  “How can you be so ‘eh’ about this?  This is Chloe and Oliver together .  . .here.   Did you know they were dating?”  Clark tries to answer.  “No, of course you didn’t.  I mean, I didn’t even know they were dating.  We should sit with them!”  Clark lets out a huff of whoa and gets a couple of words in as they sit at a table.  “Or we could give them some space.  Lois, they obviously came out here to escape from everything.  Kind of like we did.”  Lois apologizes.  “Look, I know I that I ran a verbal marathon last night and then I fell asleep.  But, I promise, tonight is about the two of us.”  She gives him a smile.  He stares at her.  “I waited for you to get ready for three hours.  If it means being with you, I can wait forever.”  He looks at something in his hand and then back to her again.  “Forever’s a long time,” she grins back accepting his words.  He grins with sincerity.

Lois sees the blondes and waves them over.  “Hey guys!  C’mere!  Sit with us!”  Clark is already accepting his fate by pulling a chair over for Ollie.  Lois jumps up and grabs another chair for her cousin, who lives in her apartment and never allows anyone else to have a secret.  “Quiet weekend at home, huh?” says Clark!  You go Clarkie!  Get your digs in before the onslaught.  Apparently he’s not really copasetic with the situation either.  Plus it cost him sexy time with Lois.  Lois pulls her cuz into the chair as Ollie attempts to pull out blondie’s chair for her.  I guess he didn’t read the fine print of the arrangement.  Bossie has her snide, arrogant attitude on.  “Trust me, we had no idea the two of you would be here.”  Well, Clark and Lois at the B&B makes more sense than the two blondes, right?  Ollie does own major real estate including the Watchtower.  Not to mention his plane which blondie has been seen in – so why did they have to go to God’s Big Country to getaway?  They could have gone to Silicon Valley – it’s geekish and probably not very romantic – the whole emotionless thing.

“And we didn’t even know there was even a you two.”  (U2, hee.  Well it is a story of a Banshee – and they’re usually Irish.)   “Which I think is perfect.  I think that fate has brought us together.”  Ollie looks at Lois like she’s got to be kidding.  “Well, uh.”  Then he looks at Clark who gives him no clue.  “It was a little less fate, actually.”  Bossie butts in.  “More fame.”  Ollie agrees with her.  He looks really uncomfortable.  He knows Lois’ scrutiny is definitely in high gear and Clark . . . that silent treatment. . .yea, Green Arrow, you have some ‘splaining to do.  But he’s not allowed to think on his own anymore so blondie tells them it was so far off the beaten path that no one would find Star City’s most eligible bachelor.

I don’t think this goes unnoticed by either Clark or Lois.  If Ollie made the arrangements then he would tell them outright, but it indicates that blondie is the one in control.  “You mean ex-bachelor,” quips Lois.  With Chloe-speak, blondie lobs the topic out of her court and goes on the offensive.  She wants to know how they found this place.  “Well I found the brochure for the inn at the apartment.  I figured Lois wanted to come here,” says Clark. He looks at his girl and gives her a little nod.  He’s rather proud that he arranged this weekend for them.  “What brochure?” asks Lois as if they are the only people in the room.  She never saw it apparently.  Bossie gets on her high horse and comes down on Clark like the wrath of Hell.  She informs our romantic hero that the brochure was hers.  Yea, well move out of Lois’ apartment if you don’t want that shit to happen again!  And besides how in the hell would Clark know that?

Ollie smirks as if it’s some kind of joke.  Clark looks to Lois who gives him a proud grin – my boyfriend thought I wanted something and he got it for me.  Clark turns to Lois, “How was I supposed to know that Oliver . . .”  Bossie starts talking like a banshee.  “YOU WEREN’T.  That’s the point.”

RANT:  No, the point is that you get your blonde butt out of this episode and out of your cousin’s and BFF’s life.  Giving them hell because you left something lying around in your cousin’s apartment and her boyfriend picked it up thinking it was something his girlfriend wanted.  C’mon bitch!  Get real!  Hypocrit!  We’re really not supposed to like her, are we?

Clark looks to their weakest link.  Oliver gives some lame ass comment about using context clues.  Excuse me, but Clark DID use context clues.  Blondie does not own the freakin world!   And for some reason Bossie massages her neck.

Lois has quite enough of this attack on her man.  “Yes, speaking of clues.  Let’s talk about Mr. Green.  In the bedroom.  With my cousin.”  Ball-less, look out!  She’s smiling at you – you are gonna get it.  Mad Dog Lane.  Ollie realizes they’ve got him in a corner.  “There it is.”

Clarkie grins at his girl.  “Lois, I think they came here for brunch.”  See how these two work well together.  Tag teaming.  She grins at him.  “Good point.”  She turns to the mastermind behind the weekend cockblock.  “Look, Chloe, there’s food!”  Blondie actually goes to the buffet as Lois grabs her arm and drags her off to the porch.  Clark drums his fingers on the table looking highly disappointed with the turn of events.  He can’t look at Oliver.  “Little jellies,” says Ball-less as he peruses the condiments.

On the porch.  Blondie thinks Lois is going to berate her for being with the notorious man whore.  Lois tells her she thinks it’s great that they are together.  So much so she thinks they can double date.  Really?  Bossie stops her.  “Oliver and I are not a couple.”  Lois wants to know what she means.  Blondie basically tells her what the arrangement is.  Lois doesn’t get to ask any questions because Bossie won’t allow it.  (And apparently she must be obeyed at all costs)  Lois knows what a great guy Ollie can be – and probably wonders what is going on with these two that there are no strings or affection.  Lois buttons her lip – which, quite frankly is TOTALLY out of character.  Yea, she would give her cousin some space like Clark suggested, but not without giving her a piece of her mind or opinion.  Fail.  Having the blondes’ relationship making our heroes out of character is just WRONG!

Clark’s big man hand carefully handles a Royal Dalton Old Country Roses’ teacup.  Ollie watches him sip and set the cup back in its saucer.  Then Greenie decides to make chit chat.  About hero stuff, not the five ton kangaroo in the room.  “How about you?  Anything new?” asks Clark.  Apparently not, except he’s checking out a new compound bow.   He’s avoiding the subject at hand like the plague.  “I know it’s not my place to say anything . . .” starts Clark.  “Then don’t say anything,” offers Ollie.  Clark can’t let this pass.  He’s watching both his friends doing something destructive.  If he can possibly stop it, he will.  “But after everything Chloe’s been through, I don’t want to see her get hurt.”  He’s a great guy.  Lucky Lois.  “That’s good.  She’s stronger than you think she is, y’know.”  Yea, and more controlling, too.  “One of her strengths is giving everyone else what they need and sacrificing what she wants.”  No, Clark, that would be you.  Did she listen to you when she went off with Davis?  NO, she was doing what she wanted and the world be damned.  Did she give Jimmy what he needed?  NO, he got no nookie after the wedding – and she was sidekicking with you while he was in another city’s hospital bed.  So forget that crap already!   We’re not going to feel sorry for Big Sister Eye.   I don’t care who wrote the episode!

“Well, how do you know that this isn’t what she wants?” says Ollie.  “Just don’t take her for granted?” says our hero.  Really?  Sounds like Bossie is taking Ball-less for granted and then some.

[image] So horror movie stupid Bossie goes out into the woods because Ball-less bought her a gift.  He’s human, okay?  I wouldn’t buy Bossie anything, but he’s screwing her.  Maybe it’s a guilt gift.  Or maybe he’s afraid of Kryptonians who think she’s smart – when obviously she isn’t because Mary Suellivan goes off in the height of darkness with a lantern, miles from home and cell phone coverage.  She gets zapped by the Banshee.  Why am I telling you this? – it has something to do with the contrivance in the next scene.

And another thing – there were entirely too many shots of the McDougal Inn sign.  It’s where most of the episode took place – so quit wasting time with it and give us some more Clark and Lois action!  Oy!

Lois no longer is sporting the ponytail.

NOW HEAR THIS! If there is any physical, romantic, and/or sexy stuff going on between Clark and Lois – WE WANT TO SEE EVERY BIT OF IT!  NO OFFSCREEN STUFF – AT ALL!!!  GOT IT?  **grumble** We haven’t wait through six frikkin years of blahna and blondie crap as well as every other ho-bag who straddled Clark to miss one millisecond of our couple’s beautiful relationship **end of grumble**  SERIOUSLY!

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Lois prods Clark out of the door of their room.  “Just give me ten minutes and you’ll get a surprise.”   She hands him a red towel.  “Something tells me you’re never going to stop surprising me, Lois.”  Oh yea, you can bet on that.  She kisses him as he makes puppy dog eyes at her.  I don’t think he wants to leave.  She gives him the ten fingers and ‘ten minutes’ whisper as she closes the door.  We don’t get to see his reaction shot because y’know the all important blondie has to have her time.  He passes her in the hallway, nods, says her name and goes for the shower like it’s paradise waiting to happen.  He’s a man on a mission and is awaiting to be invaded.  So apparently the banshee is a ho-bag, too.

Clark in the shower.  Singing!  “I can’t tell you, Lo-is.”  It’s always about that damn secret, isn’t it?  We see female feet, but their possessed blondie’s.  SO WRONG!  He must have heard her enter because he throws back the shower curtain and sees it’s blondie.  “Chloe?  What are you doing here?”  I hate plot driven stories.  He immediately wraps himself in the shower curtain.  She drops her towel.  He looks away.  He grabs his towel, wraps it around himself.  “At least I’m trying not to see that.”  He climbs out of the tub and grabs the other towel.  “I’m done here so the shower is yours.”  He’s definitely not looking.  Doesn’t ever want to look.  Probably wants to gouge his eyes out.  She makes a grab for him and he wraps the towel around her while still trying to push her away.  He spins her around to get her further away.  He’s questioning her about her behavior.  She embraces him to go for a moonlit walk.  Door opens.  Yea, you guessed it.  But what you might not have guessed . . . Lois is in a Scottish Lass outfit.  Complete with sporran and tam o’shanter and fun sudsy stuff.  Clark and Lois appear to only have eyes for each other.  Her mouth is dropped open as she sees the two of them together.  Lois has a strong stomach apparently.

Despite the awful dilemma he’s in, Clark manages to leer at Lois Lane and say a growling, “Lo-is,” as his eyebrows go up in approval.   Well, Lois’ temper goes to Vesuvius.  “Oh my God!”  Clark shoves blondie away like she’s wearing a kryptonite suit.  “I can explain this.  Sort of.”  Banshee isn’t giving up her grip on the big man.  “Chloe!”  Lois is not happy.  “You do that!”  There is fear in Clark’s eyes.  “Try to explain it during breakfast like maybe next century.”  No worries there, Clark.  Just get the Legion ring and . . .   Banshee hasn’t said a word.  She’s smiling serenely.  Why wouldn’t Lois yell at blondie?  She just promised to keep her mouth shut about her cousin’s dubious relationship with Ball-less and now said cousin is naked with her boyfriend?  Could we please get back to the real Clark and Lois soon?  So Lois hands over the soap jar to blondie.  “This!  I won’t be needing.”  Why you may ask?  So the banshee can transfer to Lois . . . sheesh haven’t you ever seen a C class horror movie that never was considered a cult classic?  Clark calls out to her as she leaves.  Banshee is still smiling.  Why?  She’s not getting that guy into the woods.  Wasn’t that her purpose in the first place?   And as Lois – she could have taken Clark to the moon, the stars and the woods.   But . . .oh, yea, it’s to make blondie have front spot.  Sorry, forgot.  Oops.  Fell into a plothole.  Banshee is a blondie minion.

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Our star, that would be Clark, is left with his BFF who passes out.  He’s calling her name.  She takes one look at his chest and heads for the hills.  Clark is left with the soap.  No Lois. No fun.  It was green so maybe it had kryptonite in it because it took FOREVER for him to find Lois.

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And another other thing – possession story?  Really?  How many alternate state stories can you really have before the characters on this show not knowing what’s going on becomes ridiculous?  Like this one.

While Banshee Lois gets Ollie to take a walk in the woods to go find blondie.  (He discovers that Clark and Lois like to role play.)  Bossie takes a walk with Clark to find Lois, supposedly.  If blondie had a purpose in this episode, it would be this scene.  We got to find out Clark is rigorously excited to make love to Lois because he knows he won’t hurt her.  **Tossing confetti and dancing around the room**

[image] Clark drove the truck and it’s still in the lot.  So Lois and Oliver still must be on the premises.  Welling and Mack tore this scene up!  Blondie has blanked out.  Which should have been their tenth clue.  Clark wants to know if she saw him . . . he uses sign language.  She goes EW!  He avoids answering seeing her naked.  “If I don’t find Lois, this is the last vacation I will take with anyone.”  I guess it’s back to the FOS and more training and being alone if he doesn’t find his LoLo.  “I don’t like where this is going,” says Clark as blondie rambles on about their situation.  Then she asks the burning question.  Why did Clark bring Lois to a Bed and Breakfast?  “And while I doubt the whole Breakfast part of this poses any problems.  Correct me if I’m wrong.  I seem to recall you having some kind of concern about the . . . beds.”  Clark is looking at her like ‘wha?’ and then ‘is she really going there?’  She continues.  “And non-powered people?”  She rolls her eyes.  “And what would happen in the beds with the non-powered people if . . .”  Clark seems a little irritated.  “Okay!  Stop!”  She thanks him.  He thinks about how to put this.  “My training with Jor-El has helped me to manage my powers better.”  He thinks that will suffice or maybe he doesn’t want to give details.  It’s a private thing.  Blondie is looking freaked.  “Let’s just say that I have control . . . of EVERYTHING!”  And then he goes on to say she didn’t have control.  (which is what this character has been all about this season)

So they go off to find the banshee, Lois and Ollie.  We did not get a shot of what happened to Lois when the Banshee appeared in her true form.  At least we didn’t get to see Lois’ body during the process.  So Clark not yelling out to her or running to her side was a bit confusing and horrifying.  Anyway, the banshee disappeared thanks to Clark’s heat vision and blondie burning the painting in the fireplace.  See I told you it was a C horror film plot.

I’m so happy Clark and Lois get Louis Febre’s scoring for their music.  It’s just perfect.

[image] Clark and Lois enter the Talon apartment.  “I think we should skip the old B&B’s for a while,” says Lois as she puts her house keys on the counter and Clark deposits her bags.  “Lois, for our first weekend away together.  It could have been worse.”  Well, there could have been an alien landing or an imp from the 5th dimension turning Clark into a jackass or a boom tube releasing parademons.   But honestly, Clarkie, you and Lois didn’t get to make love.  What could be worse than that?  Never mind, I remember season 7 and the Arc of Suck of season 8, oh yea, and Failsday.  Yea, never mind.

“I was possessed by a 300 year old Scottish banshee and I almost killed you, Clark,” spouts Lois.  Well, actually, she almost killed Ollie – she left Clark with Bossie.  “Well, we did get to see the Largest Ball of Yarn.  That made the whole trip worthwhile,” he says as he crosses the room to her.  She’s leaning against the counter.  “All thanks to my stellar sense of direction.  Let’s face it, Clark, without me, you’d still be lost.”  Amen, Sista!  Savior proved that!  He grins at her.  He’s up to something as he tilts his head.  “What?” she says with big eyes.  She knows he’s going to do something.  He hoists her on top of the counter.  She gives out a little, “oh!” in surprise.  Guess he surprises her, too.  And they kiss.  Clark is determined to save the weekend.  He has her jacket off in two seconds and then tosses it. . .oh no!  Not the jacket toss – CRIMSON – jacket toss – means interruptus!  NOOOOOO  They’re still going at it.  Go Clark Go!!!

We hear a whirring noise as Lois’ butt lifts off the counter a bit.  They separate.  Clark still has his hands on her waist.  “It’s my cell phone.”  He inspects her butt after the girls get a good gander.  “Just let it go to voice mail.”  Go Lois Go!!!  He pulls the phone out of her back pocket.  “Yea, well, um.  Why don’t you answer it, Lois?  What if it’s important?”  He holds the phone up.  He could easily read the screen to see who’s calling.  He knows how curious she is.  “Okay,” she smiles taking the phone from him as if thanking him for knowing her so well.

Clark settles in between her legs with his hands on either side of her.  “A little privacy, please?”  He looks into her eyes.  They are bantering at their best.  “Just pretend I’m not here,” he says.  Yea, like that’s gonna work.  He looks at her lips.  She crinkles her nose and smiles at him confessing, “I can’t do that.”  He chuckles and grins at her.  “Well I guess I’ll just have to get used to sharing you . . .with the world,” he says.  Yea, he does.  She slides down off the counter and puts the phone to her ear never taking her eyes off him.  “Lois Lane at your service,” she says just before she turns away.  She’s grinning from ear to ear.  She likes playing with her boyfriend.  He’s fun.

[image] “Hello, Lois.”  Even with the voice modulator we know it’s not the Blur.  Despite the fact that Clark is standing there, the voice is all wrong.  This scene was totally messed up.  It appeared to be badly edited.  The looping of Lois’ voice over the scene did not match her demeanor when they cut to her facial expressions on the phone.   Could they have changed the dialogue?  The voice was too exhuberant and worshippy – and the words . . . Lois sounded like a 3 year old with Santa Claus.  The fake Blur who we don’t see until the last bit — It’s Zod.  We knew it would be Zod.  Again, there was no suspense here.  So the supposed dramatic effect was wasted.  The audience is too smart for that.  Even the six year olds.

[image] He wants Lois to get information on Crazypants.  Zod is walking around the Kent house now.  He looks at a picture of Clark and Jonathan.  He makes her promise not to tell anyone about it.  Clark reads a magazine while she talks on the phone.  Just from her end of the convo alone, he probably should be suspicious.  And the fact that he has superhearing, he could easily hear Zoddie.  So it’s pretty lame at best.  She promises.  We hear a noise like crashing thunder and Zod is on top of the Gargoyle Tower now.  No place unturned apparently.  Zod tells Lois it’s a matter of life and death.  So much for Lois Lane is off limits.

Divided Rating:  SUPER Clark and Lois storyline.  MEH, the rest. Welling and Durance are these characters.  No doubt about it!  Great chemistry!  And thank you for giving us a taste of things to come.  Can’t wait!  The rest – not so much.  A patchwork of plotlines which didn’t seem to have a clear design.  This episode’s infrastructure needed the Clark treatment.  Special effects were great!  Fair’s green screen work came into play there.  Louis, you saved Zod’s sudden appearance at the Gargoyle.

Here’s hoping that Genevieve Sparling will be able to write some great Clark and Lois next season without the presence of blondie to distract her.

Trailer:

A Loisless episode.  BUT there’s Waller and Martian Manhunter!

Waller and chess board with a white knight being knocked over.  “It’s time for a new game,” says Waller.   “Oliver wasn’t even our real target,” says Tess.  Green Arrow in a chair with Waller on a screen.  “Then who was?” angrily asks Clark.  Martian Manhunter in a ring of fire with Waller watching.  HIS NEXT MOVE.  “You’re after everyone who worked at Watchtower,” says Clark who has something in a bag.  A white knight and something flat and black.  MAYBE HER LAST.  “You left your greatest asset vulnerable,” says Waller.    Blondie kidnapped with a bag over her head.  They remove the bag.  “It’s your move,” says Waller.

Blondie is Clark’s greatest asset?  Shades of the Doomsday arc.  Hope not!

Source : osck

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About senistudios

Hello my name is Inês and I'm 25 years and I love making videos about series and movies I Like. Here in this Blog will place links to these View all posts by senistudios

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